“Kinja, there is no way that you really feel comfortable with everyone you see in this country!”
An old friend and I were in the middle of a conversation about the direction of the United States in the last fifty years. They were basing their thoughts on our history starting in 1776, while I was focused on the entire span of human existence. A recent discovery found human remains that were dated around 2.75 Ma, which is equal to 2.75 million years from our current time frame. (Hublin, 2015) As you can see, we were starting from two completely different reference points. The conversation ended with me gracefully bowing out and saying what I learned from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, “I understand exactly how you feel. If I were you, I would feel the exact same way.”
The theme in the above video deals with several layers of human existence, so in these few paragraphs I would like to address the most controversial assertion I made in it. “You are pure royalty!” Most people probably agree that they are royalty, but do not feel that way about others. Why is that? Many of us were raised that our family, friends and circles held more value than the “outsiders”. What does that lead to? The article from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shared a powerful statement that can equally apply to every household, regardless of its family dynamics, “Within the family context, the way in which one family member expresses anger is likely to elicit responses from other family members in consistent ways”(Halberstadt et al, 2016). By valuing our closest associations more, our upbringings taught us how to view each other and the "outsiders"; most of us ended up having the highest respect for family members who contributed to the worst parts of our characters. Before you get defensive, think about it. If you had a perfect upbringing, more power to you, but in all reality, most of the expressed anger, hate, jealousy, etc., that we see in this world started inside of the homes; whether intentionally or inadvertently; whether we were defending or offending. It should be no surprise that when we come out into the real world, “the outsiders'' don't get that much respect. This is the guinea pig wheel of insanity that leads to the ongoing drama in many of our lives; this is why most of us never see the good in anyone outside of our closest circles.
What does this have to do with everyone being royalty, Kinja? In the purest form, everything in this Universe that has living or nonliving energy flowing through it is a part of the gift of existence, so everything is royalty. The hatred and value we place on others is taught! It is not an automatic part of becoming an adult. How many of us were taught the following as a child? “Remember little (pick any name), every person you see is a living miracle.” With the fear radiating through our world, it is understandable that most parents prepared their children to not get taken advantage of; however, is it possible that some of that energy transformed into walls that have never been recognized as harmful to our growth? Every household is different and there were families who did better jobs than others with managing their anger, but often, even those blessed souls get pulled into the storm of humanity’s whirlwind of harmful emotions as well. Without a plan, and I mean, I really solid one, this humanity will chew up and spit out the happiest of people. I bet you can think of at least one person who seemed happy and recently did something out of character due to pain that was never properly dealt with.
These are a few reasons I have deep empathy and compassion for our broken humanity. In my younger days, without the emotional control that I’ve practiced for years, someone else’s actions would easily trigger an explosion on my end; substance abuse, arguments and even fights were my popular forms of release. We all go through the “fighting back” stages in our unique ways, but some of us never grow out of them. My goal in this week’s Decade Series message is for you to
a) remember that your value cannot be quantified by another human
b) have a higher tolerance the next time someone treats you as if you are not the royalty that we know you are
Based on the evidence previously covered, they probably do not know any better. They have to figure it out on their own and it is not your responsibility to change anyone except yourself. Let your kindness and understanding give them a chance to see a person who has risen above the animalistic nature that many of us get drawn into when conflict arises.
Emotional Intelligence Pillar Action Step: This week, become an observer of yourself. Before reacting to that bump on the train or that rude cashier, simply take a deep breath. Ask yourself these questions as you walk away? Why did I get rubbed the wrong way? Are they even aware that what they did was offensive? What is probably going on in their life that is leading them to deal with me in this way? These types of questions promote self-mastery.
Kinja’s Current Reality: After practicing Re-Creationism for over eleven years, I sincerely have an attitude that loves all people. That love doesn’t mean that I expect anyone to feel the same way about me. My light will only get brighter with this way of dealing with life. To dive deeper into understanding the Four Pillar system, explore the 365 page manual at any time. Regardless, next week I will see you again in another episode of the Decade Series video-blog.
If you know someone who needs this, please share. We are all in this together!
Halberstadt, A. G., Beale, K. S., Meade, A. W., Craig, A. B., & Parker, A. E. (2015). Anger in families. Journal of Social & Personal Relationships, 32(6), 810–828. https://doi-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/10.1177/0265407514552617
Hublin, J.-J. (2015). Paleoanthropology: how old is the oldest human? Current Biology : CB, 25(11), R453–R455. https://doi-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/10.1016/j.cub.2015.04.009