Learning from your mistakes is one of the keys to life: however, learning from others' mistakes can turn you into a key maker. . . . . Kinja Dixon
Most of the keys to life are given to us from parents, teachers, society, etc. And without learning how to make our own keys, we usually conform to the collective's progression. For instance, think of any statistic that negatively impacts a huge percentage of our population. It could deal with health, emotional control, money or any topic you choose. Who do you think has the higher chance of adding to that statistic? The person who learns from others’ mistakes or the person who repeats the mistakes of those who came before them? This is what I meant when I wrote that learning from other's mistakes turns you into a key maker. Once a person can incorporate their own life lessons while gaining from the mistakes of others, they start slowly paving a road that is headed in their unique direction; their results begin to look very different from the majority. Does this make sense?
Since nothing is new under the sun, why don't we learn from other's mistakes more often? Because most of the people who have made them, teach those mistakes to others, and the cycle of mistake making continues over and over until someone stops the cycle. Mistakes are great when they are learned from and can be life threatening if not. This leads me to think of pain tolerance. In the Millennium book series, there is a character named Ronald Niedermann who had a rare disease called congenital analgesia, which left him unable to feel pain. At first this could seem like a benefit, because his tolerance for pain was very high; however, by not properly treating injuries due to a lack of feeling pain, his life expectancy was shortened. Can we apply this to times in our lives when we were making mistakes and numb to the pain so we just kept going forward? Could any of us be adjusting to pain in our lives right now that we may need to completely eliminate? In a world where pain has become normalized, these may be difficult questions to answer, so let’s all focus on the following story.
For over the last six years, Jesse’s father taught him that “men” were supposed to sow their wild oats; as in have sex with multiple women before settling down with “the one”. Even though his parents were married for over twenty five years and he was turning nineteen in two months, it never occurred to him that his father’s guidance did not align with his actions. Jesse’s father was forty seven years old, started dating his mother when he turned twenty and proposed a year after they met. Jesse’s mother was never around during their “man talk” and his father seemed to worship the ground that she walked on. From what Jesse noticed they had a great relationship, so even though he acted on what his father taught him, deep down he wanted to be with a woman he could build a happy future with as well. As he prepared to go on another date this evening, he lifted up the twin bed in his college dormitory room, pulled out his little black book, and next to the number ten he wrote the name Sandra. On this page there were three columns; name, made out, and homerun. Next to each of the nine names listed above Sandra’s, there was an associated check mark: three were under the made out column and six were under the homerun column. Jesse put the black book back under his bed as his cell phone vibrated. He looked at the message. What u doing? Jesse smiled and replied. Looking over my social science advertisement analysis project before i go to bed. Can we talk tomorrow? Kisha replied. Of course. Good luck on the project. Jessie put on his blazer and left to begin his thirtieth date of his sophomore year in college.
Excerpt from college days by Kinja Dixon
Whether you are for or against Jesse “sowing his wild oats”, is not what I would like you to focus on. . . If possible. Smile. There are a few themes in this short passage that I would like us to briefly focus on. There are so many ways this story can go and even more possible intentions involved, so my goal is to share a perspective that could assist with anyone, regardless of their personal thoughts about this situation. Let’s explore a few what if scenarios. What if Jesse’s father is simply repeating what his father told him? Times change and how a person interprets guidance from their loved ones is based on their emotional and environmental conditions. What if Jesse feels that he is simply doing what he is supposed to do? What a person considers to be “right” or “wrong” is highly dependent on their perceived understanding of those two words. If Jesse feels that it is “wrong” to settle down too young and it is “right” to explore promiscuity up until a certain age, then he will act on those beliefs.
Now let’s take this foundation and focus on you, the reader. Just like the above situation, there are many opinions and values that could oppose or agree with the actions of the characters involved, but at the end of the day, the only person who will be held accountable for their actions is Jesse. His father’s intentions really don’t matter. As a human being interacting with others, each of us have mindsets, intentions and action plans that we are carrying out based on how we interpreted life since our conception. Yes, since we started forming in our mothers’ uteruses, their mindsets, intentions, and action plans all contributed to our actual results this very moment. For instance, my mother told me how much she read to me while I was in her belly and I know that has something to do with my love for reading and writing. On the other hand, I still do not know how to tread water because my mother was scared of it; swimming lessons are in my future plans. Some skills are given to us and other we have to take the initiative to learn on our own.
Have we been able to turn our caretakers' and/or our choices into areas of development in our lives, or like in Jesse’s situation, have we adapted to programs that have never been questioned? The best part about Jesse’s situation is that deep down his essence is still giving him signals. “From what Jesse noticed they had a great relationship, so even though he acted on what his father taught him, deep down he wanted to be with a woman he could build a happy future with as well. ” If he begins a life cleansing process, this feeling will get stronger and eventually change his way of responding to life. Unfortunately, many people never begin that process, so their inner feelings continue to get drowned out by their choices and actions that go against how they really feel. Often, sensual satisfaction gets mistaken for inner peace/happiness and the road to becoming a conformist instead of a creator starts getting paved.
My hope is that you are a fellow seeker; someone like myself who realizes how imperfectly perfect you are. Our flaws, blemishes, quirks, impulses, and difficulties are all signals that can be used to our future benefit. This can only happen if our awareness is expansive enough to see the landscape views of our lives. There are no limits to how clear our views can get, so one of the best things we can do is question everything, learn from everyone, listen to ourselves, share with others and repeat.
Four Pillar Action Plan Step: There are two huge ways to approach this; to isolate or take a more general approach. Are you aware of a mistake you made that led to your current lowest pillar grade? The food, person, or habit you cannot stay away from even though you know it is harmful. Or the more general question may be. What are the top three to five mistakes that you have made thus far in your life? I know that every mistake can become a blessing, but if you are not aware of what they were, what stops you from repeating them? Can you connect a certain emotion to both categories? Is it possible that by increasing your lowest pillar grade, you can a)prevent future mistakes and b) learn even more from the three to five biggest mistakes that you have made? Are you familiar with the environmental influence that most heavily contributed to your past mistakes? Is it a family member? Are you able to love a person while realizing that they are flawed and may have contributed to teaching you lessons that may have not been in your best interest? These are just a few seeds that are worthy of being cultivated in your mind.
Kinja’s Current Reality: The habit of being extremely hard on myself is one of my superpowers; Thanks Ma! Others cannot really hurt me because their judgments will never be more harsh than the judgments I place on myself; however, this way of living can be extremely harmful to a certain type of person. For instance, if a person deals with their harsh criticism with substance abuse or lashing out on themselves/others, this mindset would not be recommended. As a person who has made the Four Pillars the highest priority, my personal critiques lead to research and application. As I started learning was a 320 pound functional alcoholic, if I don’t have the power to change my issues, there are other aspects of my life that will lose power in the process. To dive deeper into understanding the Four Pillar System, explore the 365 page manual at any time. Regardless, next week i will see you again in another episode of the decade series.