The “Perfect” Lie. Click to Read Full Blog

I have lived the title of this blog many times in my past; in the search of a false interpretation of perfection, I portrayed a life that was really a lie! As in, I knew that I was unhappy, but I didn’t show it, or I knew that I was scared but I acted courageous. We may all feel these ways at times, but when we are not truthful enough with ourselves to admit how we feel, or when we are so disconnected from reality that we cannot see the truth, problems are sure to follow. Many people never step away from the facade long enough to realize they are living a lie, so let me use my life as a example that maybe someone can gain from. Let’s begin digging. 

In the long run, do we get what we expect or what we deserve? Or a mixture of both? These answers depend on the type of person who responds, and there is a key personality trait that will determine how they react; does the person believe in self accountability or pointing fingers? Which type of person are you? Some people expect the worst and get much better than expected, while others expect the best and get results that are far from what they desired. Once emotions are removed, didn't both sets of people get what they deserved? In the Merriam- Webster dictionary, one synonym for deserve is, earn, and with that word in mind, let’s go deeper with the following example. Regardless of the quality of one's work, if a person signed up for a certain pay scale, if they put the time in, they earn a specific dollar amount right? I think the problem that many of us have faced along our journeys is we don’t apply the same rules to all situations. 

For instance, if I agree to the job and start performing the job duties (take specific actions), before understanding how to maximize the employment opportunity, my weekly pay (result) will still be based on the standard of pay that came with that job. Doesn’t that principle apply to all other areas in our lives as well? Just like that employee, if I decide to, let’s say, engage in reckless intercourse with a woman I hardly know (take specific actions) and end up having a child with her (result), shouldn’t I understand that our chances of being compatible (result) are very slim? Aren’t there increased chances that we are going to make it a rough environment for the child? If this frame of thought makes sense, why do we have so many people who continue to do things that have such a high track record of producing results that are not beneficial to everyone involved? And for the person who says, “things happen” or “those results were not my intentions”, my response would be the following; If I ran across a busy highway and got hit by a car, how would I look if I said, “I didn’t intend to get run over because those were not my intentions?” Exactly! 

I hope you can always remember this before you do anything in the future: No matter what expectations/intentions we have, our strategies are crucial to increasing the chance of better results. Since that is clear, let’s get back to the “perfect lie” that I have settled for in my past. For years, my alcohol abuse and competitive nature was used to drown out many feelings that were harmful to my longevity. My "success" was used as a crutch and I really believed that as more "success' would eventually take care of everything. If anyone has an idea that “once this happens” I’ve made it, they are going against the principles of what they are made of; healthy cells do not ever stop seeking to reproduce the best versions of themselves; most importantly, cells are honest at all times; if a threat is recognized, they confront it. With that in mind, if a person ever settles with fear, pain, regret, etc., that intention goes against the process of thriving and emerging like cells; more fear, pain, regret and decline are soon to follow. Think about how many people you have seen put on twenty years in the last two years due to the global pandemic. They may not have realized it, but our emotional environment has contributed to their results? And unfortunately, many have not witnessed the shift in their paradigm. This concept also applies to any decision that is made with a “I can fall off after THIS happens'' mindset behind it. Often that thought is subliminal but remember, our intentions don’t change inevitable results. 

To see if we are on the same page, what should the person in this example do based on the previous three paragraphs? Kathy just had a baby and promises herself that she will start working out after the month and a half rest that the doctor prescribed. She would start going back to the gym and get her eating under control after maternity leave. She knows that her husband could care less if she works out or not, so these thoughts were all self-motivated. They dated for six years before he proposed and these have been the best years of her life. Five years of marriage thus far. One day around the fifth week after the baby, he wants to talk about something serious. His demeanor is different during the day of the conversation and after she puts the baby to sleep he begins. He was given the opportunity to get a promotion that would add $15,000 per year to his yearly salary. This mixed with three cars he was planning to buy from a wholesale dealer to use for a Turo car sharing opportunity, he is confident that $3500 additional per month would give her the opportunity to stay at home and raise their child, and that’s only if she wanted to. He was the oldest of three, and saw both of his parents work themselves to death, so he promised to do his best to allow his wife to spend time with his child. She starts crying tears of joy and cannot believe that this is really happening. He goes into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of champagne. In both of their eyes, the night could not have ended any better.

Question: What should Kathy do about the original health plan that she had no that she is not going back to work? Should this new arrangement change her self-motivated intentions? Or should it simply change the way she plans on executing her original plan? This is a primary example of the types of tests we get all of our lives. In the best case scenario, Kathy executes her plan and turns a pleasant surprise into an even better situation by continuing her path to excellent health. Unfortunately, most of the time, we have great intentions, but things come up (good, bad, indifferent) and instead of looking at our lives from a landscape view, the right now vision turns us into instant gratification junkies. We know what should really happen, but instead we just go with the flow and before we realize it, we have become liars to ourselves. From the outside everything seems perfect, but that is far from the absolute truth of the matter. What start off as “perfect” situations, can easily turn into the beginning of our endings; all because many times we allow sensual and emotional satisfaction to stop us from learning and/or enforcing the best long term strategies. In this situation, if Kathy chose to just chillax and scrap her plan because of her unique situation, no one would really know what she could have done except that version of herself who had the original plan. 

In conclusion, perfection means growth; growth beyond recognition; the type of growth that the newborn, that turns into an infant, and then a toddler experiences. If we are working to advance our emotional, mental, physical, psychological and spiritual development, based on the standards of the constantly expanding Universe, we are following its lead. It takes strength and steadfastness because surprises like what Kathy dealt with are going to pop up for the remainder of our lives. Once Four Pillar growth becomes the highest priority, there is a lower chance of getting derailed by life’s circumstances. Imagine feeling good about your life behind closed doors instead of only making things look good for the spectators. That, in my humble opinion, is the definition of winning and the best part about this type of victory is that the reward and award comes from yourself. 

Four Pillar Action Plan: If you are living a lie, is it built on goals that are in your best long term interest? For instance, there is a difference between someone acting as if they are in a healthy relationship that is physically, emotionally and mentally abusive versus a couple working on communicating better while telling their families how often they finish each other's sentences due to their excellent communication. There is no quick fix to living a lie; however, whether you dig the hole deeper or not is based on the foundation of the lie you have started. Take some time to reflect on the types of lies you may be living and remember the following; the lies that are dangerous to your future should be eliminated completely; the lies that are giving the impression that you are healthier, happier, etc., than you really are, can be used as motivators to begin including better strategic action in those areas. 

Kinja Current Reality: I am free! Since my branding and my entire mission revolves around the Four Pillars, I get to simply work on myself and share real experiences with audiences, readers, friends, and family. There are no hidden objections, portrayals, or agendas in my world and it feels good. I get to dress how I feel, stay anywhere I want without worrying about a conflict of personal or professional interest. As I mentioned in my bio, this level of freedom started once I realized that the title of sales expert was not who I was in my core. Now as I pursue future stages of my development, I can put my energy into ideas, processes and relationships without any possibility of being out of alignment! What you see is what you get and as time continues, the benefit of this lifestyle will hopefully help others experience their unique version of freedom as well. To dive deeper into understanding the Four Pillar system, explore the 365 page manual at any time. Regardless, next week I will see you again in another episode of the Decade Series.

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